evry oth thing i need to say
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
ive got be fcking strong. this is a challenge thrown right to my face. i need to just calm myself down and get back up like i always do. only this time i need to do it alone. even though i seem okay, well, maybe its pretense. maybe its not. ive no idea. i cannot do anything. im lost now. il stay on the ground for the moment. i may be alone for the moment. but as time passes, i will be able to get back up. i need to. staying down is not an optiion. it never is in my dictionary. staying down is only temporary. giving up does not register in my dictionary. fck everything. i got to slowly get on. even if it hurts a whole fcking lot. even if it means lettiing go. i will do all i need to do to get back up. to get back on track. to be able to smile for real for long. no more plastic smiles. no more plasticity. i will slowly banish all this things. one by one. it will take me a super fcking long time. but as the saying goes, time heals. so fck evrything. imma let time heal this. even though it might be long. i just need to be okay. i need to get on my feet without you. without anything else but the strength that i got within myself. now i learn that you can only depend on you. you must depend on yourself before you can depend on anyone else. its important to do that. so things like this will not happen. even if it does, at least you wont be that lost. you dont really need that much time cause hell yeeah, you'd be strong by yourself. you just need to search within. that is all.and to you know who you are. you know what i want. what i need. if you please, let me get on with life. get on with everything else then please help me. nobody else can do that. only you can do that. i need you to do that. man up. if you cant even help me through this then how are you even suppose to help me? i just need one thing from you. just one thing and il be gone. i promise. just that.
okay bye. i need to stop before i cant stop these tears.p.s. il be waiting.