not in much mood.
Friday, June 18, 2010
i dont know whats with me but im just not strong anymore. how much longer am i suppose to be this way. it hurts every single day. every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of each month each year. i cannot stand the pain anymore. maybe i should really just disappear like how i should have even though it hurts me so much. i dont know if i could thats why im still hanging around not disappearing. but slowly, bit by bit i will. i just dont know when for sure but i should. its the best isnt it. i really dont want to but if i should i would. with that, i need to make sure i can be strong without faking it. without anymore covers. this is just the worst month. the firsty half of this year is torture for me. JUST the FIRST half. hope it doesnt get worst. if it does, 2010 is officially my worst year ever.can i just drop everything and not pretend its hurting me terribly. i dont know what else to say or what to do or what to expect to do anymore. people expect me to be strong, to be an optimist, to concentrate on my studies. tell me how can i ever do that when everything is such a mess and ive my mind on other things which are more important at this very moment. something which matters more than my studies. something which would affect my studies. ugh, maybe i should just let things go and give more concentration on studies as much as i can. gosh, i hate this so fcked up situation right now. i hate it so very very very much. i want to just vanish from this so this would end this instant.
on a lighter note, happy birthday kak Atiqah. love you very much. meet up with you very soon okay? once im done with the things that needs to be done. i need you so very badly. it might be like the other time i met you outside school. i mean the 'rain and mini waterfall'. dont understand ask me kay?